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Stuff that would be good on the family guy

"Ma’am, I’m pretty sure that the size of my gun has nothing to do with your DUI" #JennasFieldSobrietyTest

"Ma’am, I’m gonna need to put this in your trunk."#JennasFieldSobrietyTest

"It’s not the size of the pole… It’s how you hit it."#JennasFieldSobrietyTest

"My car is not the only thing I’ve wrapped around a pole."#JennasFieldSobrietyTest

"That looks painful mam, can I rub that neck out for you?"#JennasFieldSobrietyTest

I wonder what Jenna Jameson’s field sobriety test was like. “Mam, can you touch your elbows behind your back?” #JennasFieldSobrietyTest

Why I call Kelly Clarkson “Lunch Lady Arms”

In the recent Kelly Clarkson Toyota commercial, (you can see it on here: ) When she starts dancing in the car, she almost whacks the poor gentleman sitting next to her in the car with her huge lunch lady arms. 

Hostess company files for bankruptcy. Their mistake? Not making this woman a lifetime customer!

Hostess company files for bankruptcy. Their mistake? Not making this woman a lifetime customer!

Thousands of Birds Die in Utah

Last Week in Cedar City thousands of birds died as they impacted the wet pavement that apparently to a flying bird closely resembles an open body of water. And now it just happened again in Clearfield, Utah Story here:

Here is what I suggest as a solution:

Stop letting those damn green pigs build their structures on our parking lots!!! That will solve the problem!!

Urban Meyer in Ohio?!?

Urban Meyer has announced that he will be taking a position as head coach of Ohio State’s football team. Apparently quitting football at Florida for health reasons means the same to Urban as it does to Derek Fisher for quitting the Jazz. 

200 Pound Ohio Boy Taken From Parents

A 200 pound Ohio third-grader was taken from his parents and placed into foster care because his parents were not doing enough to control his weight. 

In related news, Barney Frank will not seek re-election. Apparently being a fat-ass can also have get you removed from congress.  

Nursing Home Employees Waterboard

Police say that 2 nursing home employees are being arrested for waterboarding an 89 year old patient that was in their care.

Where is this place at? My parents are getting a little ‘up there’ in age..

ME: “Where is my inheritance!!”

Parents: “there is none…”

Me: “water board them again”

Murder Suspect Mistakenly Released

Police say that a murder suspect was mistakenly released from jail due to a “clerical” error. 

Really?!? a clerical error can free a murderer, but an entire jury can’t put Casey Anthony behind bars?!?! What is this Justice System coming to?

Bieber Took Paternity Test!!

Justin Bieber took a paternity test to prove that he is NOT the Mariah Yeater’s Baby Daddy. All that is left is for Mariah to supply the DNA for her baby. 

That will happen… She’d have to be crazy to actually submit that DNA for examination. 

She is now getting death threats from Beliebers that want her dead from tarnishing the good name of the Biebster.

Operation: BRAK

Operation B Random Acts of Kindness was a huge success.

More information and details will be forthcoming on our FaceBook page